On What Help Us Love

There is the obvious: being loved from the start. 
There is the less obvious, abstracting the chemical elements that are part of the ability to give and receive love; i.,e; oxytocin.  Being loved is the natural way. Paradoxically, another way is to feel the lack of love, which seems to normalize so many bio-chemicals. Why?  Because feeling the lack of love is a feeling, and feeling helps to normalize so much that was shut down when feelings were suppressed.  I have seen so many patients who were unloved by parents who now cannot sustain a loving relationship.  

This inability to love is now being recognized in the field  and doctors are prescribing a spray that enhances oxytocin.  Another constricted effort.  I have another idea;  let them scream out their agony over not being loved, in Primal Therapy.  When they can feel again we find is an increase in loving their children.  It is an odd dialectic that crying  and feeling unloved can help us love, as one turns into the other.  Which is why the dialectic is such an important concept.  Determined to love one’s wife or kids will help but it often does not add the feeling element to the process.  This can happen despite the best of intentions.  Intentions are a top level effort when we need deep emotions so we can transmit the feeling of love. 

When we are on pain killers most of the time, our feelings are shut down or diminished.  Will power and determination to love needs to be driven by passion and  feelings.  Otherwise it remains a cerebral desire, bereft of feeling. 

Those who take pain killers also suppress passion.  But,  suppose we are on pain-killers permanently; when there is great early pain there is an equal and opposite reaction to hold down feelings…..repression, which is constant and obdurate to hold down great agony.  Then we cannot love completely.  And that can begin before we begin in this world.  Clearly, when we remove deeply embedded pain we enhance the ability to love.  We reopen the feeling channels.  

Remember, feeling unloved means feeling; repressing it means not feeling.  When pain mounts it turns into repression, the opposite of feeling. 

Let us not look only at oxytocin because what we have found is that normalizing the patient elevates so many biochemicals to normal levels, as we have measured over the years. 

We do not dissect the patient into his parts, a kidney, a heart or a liver,  We try to approach the human being as a totality and expect changes as a totality, as well.  That is the trouble with Rolfing and Bioenergetics where muscle groups are targeted and worked on to the exclusion of the brain and mind.  Which means all that does not come from the central nervous system but the organs themselves.  Which is how we go awry studying the organ apart from the human being, his life and his history.  If we study organs apart from history we are no longer evolutionary scientists.  We live in the vapors.  And we get changes in the muscle groups and not an organic change.  Relaxing tense muscles is not the same as relaxing the whole person.  The tension usually arrives from experiences early in life and those sculpt the human being.  Beware of the facile, easy answers.  We are not an arm, a liver or blood pressure.  We are humans, and therapy must be of experience, not “psycho.” We experience as humans, not legs and arms.  Yes there will be measureable changes when we target a muscle but those changes will only endure when the whole system is involved.  Otherwise, they stay confined and contained.  Unless we believe that muscles have an independent life of their own. 


Those who take pain killers also suppress passion.  Often the opposite of what we want.  But,  suppose we are on pain-killers permanently; when there is great early pain there is an equal and opposite reaction to hold down feelings…..repression which is constant and obdurate to hold down great agony.  Then we cannot love completely.  And that can begin before we begin life on this planet.  Clearly, when we remove deeply embedded pain we enhance the ability to love.  We reopen the feeling channels.  

Remember, feeling unloved means feeling; repressing it means no feeling.  

Let us not look only at oxytocin because what we have found is that normalizing the patient elevates so many biochemicals to normal levels, as we have measured over the years.

We do not dissect the patient into his parts, a kidney, a heart or a liver,  We try to approach the human being as a totality and expect changes as a totality, as well.  That is the trouble with Rolfing and Bioenergetics where muscle groups are targeted and worked on to the exclusion of the brain and mind.  Which means all that does not come from the central nervous system but the organs themselves.  That means the reactions are narrowly contained.  Which is how we go awry studying the organ apart from the human being.  And we get changes in the muscle groups and not an organic change.  Relaxing tense muscles is not the same as relaxing the whole person.  The tension usually arrives from experiences in life and those sculpt the human being.  These experiences are often preverbal and therefore are ignored in the therapeutic equation.  


We can repress feelings when imprinted pain gets immense, or we can repress pain with drugs that mimic what takes place when we ingest the same drugs that we should secrete when pain gets too intense….serotonin…..in the form of Zoloft and Prozac.  We need to revisit our inner pharmacy to help out with pain killers when repression is not sufficient.  

There are those of us with such levels of early pain that repression is faulty due to leaky gates.  Drugs build up supplies but they do get used up and we start to suffer again; then different drugs or more of the same to help out.  But helping out is not the same is taking away the imprint of hurt so that we no longer need help out from outside of us.  And just as someone has a sex problem, frigidity or lack of erection when taking pain suppressants, the same thing happens when the pain  killers come from inside to block imprinted pain.  It all means blocking feeling and blocking reactivity to feeling.  Alas, solving this problem mens reducing repression’ that means reducing pain and that mean reliving deeply embedded pain so that it is gone from the system.  Now why is that?  Because when we live again a pain that has never been relived it is out of the system, done with, gone.  This is what I have found over 50 years of Primal work and what the new Methylation research is showing, as well.  Everything we do aside from that is dancing around the pain without ever affecting it.  It has to be reliving to escape its Primal Prison and be free!  To escape the pain we have to meet it, embrace it and go through the agony we avoided originally.  But, But.  It is also a pain that feels good.  A relief to have it gone and not weighing us down, sapping our will and our energy.  That is real freedom, not a booga booga exercise.  

This is just another effort to show why we need a  therapy of feeling and not a therapy of cerebral exercises that explain why we do not feel, ad nauseam,  suffocating feelings as insights ramify and reduce our feeling selves.