It
 occurred to me that there are ways to find out if we can fall in love, 
whether we can sustain a relationship and how close we can be to others.
 We can enter into our physiology for answers to these questions; for in
 that physiology lies our history, our emotional past that can help 
predict the future. We can slice into the problem from many different 
perspectives but for now I will choose only one: oxytocin. I call it the
 hormone of love. When we make love our oxytocin levels mount; if we rub
 an animal’s belly levels rise. Making love tells us the importance of 
oxytocin since that act is the origin of life.
Oxytocin is a 
neuro-hormone that is a key hormone of love. When the level of oxytocin 
is low there is less emotional attachment, less interest in social 
engagement, less caring and bonding, and less touch ... in short, less 
love. "Less love" has a physical base. Less love early in our lives can 
be found in an imprint, which affects many systems. These effects are 
measurable. In some respects, love is a measurable entity. The imprint 
affects sexuality, particularly how key brain structures such as the 
amygdala and hippocampus translate pain into sexual behavior.
Oxytocin
 is found only in mammals. When it is high, one experiences a sense of 
relaxation, rest, and growth, repair and healing, loving behavior and 
emotional-attachment. Love and nurturing early in our lives are 
necessary for optimum health, and healthy brain development cannot take 
place without it. It isn’t just that low oxytocin levels are an 
indicator of early neglect and lack of touching, it also indicates a 
dysfunction of the entire system, and serves as a prognosticator of our 
later mental and physical health. Its presence says, "I was loved and 
could develop normally,” its lack says, “I was unloved and my system is 
skewed.” It is one of the key indices of how much love we received in 
infancy and around birth.
In the same way that we may increase sexual
 drive in males with testosterone injections, it may well be that we can
 "inject love" into people, or at least inject a hormone that encourages
 it – give people a shot of love, so to speak. This shot may help us 
attach to others and bond with partners, allows us to feel close to 
someone else, to feel and empathize with their feelings and pain. 
Bonding is a strong emotional attachment that helps us want to be with 
one another, to help and protect one another, and to touch and become 
sexual with one another. High levels of oxytocin encourage and 
strengthen bonding. Because early trauma and lack of love affect the 
output of this hormone, the ability to relate and have good sex later is
 determined even before birth and just after.
Someone can swear she 
is full of love, only to find herself very low in the essential hormone 
of love – oxytocin. It is actually good news that "less love" has a 
physical base, for there may be something we can do chemically to alter 
that state, and there is certainly something we can do psychologically 
to change it, as well. At sometime in the future we may be able to 
determine what proper love from a parent to a child is through the 
measurements of various hormones, not the least of which is oxytocin, 
which, as I state, has been in wide use to help birth along, affecting 
contractions in the mother. (Pitocin).
Early parental love is a 
permanent painkiller. Rats who were able to self-administer painkillers 
by pressing a lever did not do so when given oxytocin. Oxytocin (OT) 
inhibits the development of a tolerance to drugs such as morphine, and 
also decreases the painful withdrawal symptoms that occur when one is 
taken off these drugs. The degree of addiction can be measured by the 
severity of one’s withdrawal, yet oxytocin reduces the severity of these
 symptoms. Love will do the same thing; early love calibrates the system
 for life. A current shot of love, such as someone hugging and kissing 
us, may well change the levels temporarily. If we rub the belly of an 
animal the oxytocin levels will rise immediately, but once the initial 
critical period of the system’s development has passed, every change we 
can effect will be transient. Once we arrive at adulthood, oxytocin 
levels are fairly set. One can be given a shot of it, but it will not 
have a permanent effect, for once low levels of oxytocin or high levels 
of stress hormones are registered early in life, it is difficult to 
re-establish normal set points. After the critical period to receive 
love is over, the only way to normalize the system is to 
neuro-chemically relive the early events that dislocated the set points.
 The “critical period” is the time when a need must be fulfilled. It can
 never be recaptured. After that period all we can do is play catch-up.
If
 we are to ever have any chance at normalization we must feel again 
"unloved." That enables us to go back to the point of deviation or 
dislocation and rewrite the scenario and return the body to its correct 
set-points. . In that way only can we right the ship and return to the 
original biologic settings. It is that agony with all its concomitant 
biochemical components, that, when fully experienced, helps normalize 
the system. And when I mention “normal,” it seems to me that one of the 
key indices of normality is the ability to give and receive love. This 
is what patients should expect out of a psychotherapy.
We do know 
that in our measurements of the salivary cortisol (the stress hormone) 
there was a return to normal levels after one year of Primal Therapy. 
(see Primal Healing for a full discussion). In various other avenues we 
find the same phenomenon. True of heart rate and blood pressure. We 
assume it will be true with oxytocin levels. We make that assumption 
because our patients state over and again how they finally could relate 
to a partner and feel comfortable in an emotional relationship after the
 therapy.
There are many kinds of hormones that play into love and 
sex; I am extracting these for discussion and to show how early 
experience affects adult behavior. Many years ago we studied 
testosterone in our male patients. We also classified those who were low
 on testosterone as parasympaths – those dominated by the passive, 
reflective, healing nervous system. Those, who were high in 
testosterone, tended to be sympaths, meaning they were more aggressive, 
goal seeking, optimistic and ambitious (looking ahead, an analogue of 
the birth process). After one year of Primal Therapy, those who were low
 on testosterone tended to rise, while those who were very high tended 
to come down a bit; in brief, their systems would normalize.
When it 
comes to love, however, oxytocin is by far the most important hormone. 
The question we now face is what came first: lowered oxytocin and then 
the inability to love and to bond, or the lack of early love, which 
lowered the set points of oxytocin? I would choose the latter. Because 
hormones are so sensitive to early trauma, we must take care not to 
blame high or low levels to genetic factors. We must never forget the 
critical nine months of life in the womb.
Bonding is the most 
positive aspect of human relationships. We learn how to bond emotionally
 in adulthood through early bonding in childhood, as simplistic as that 
sounds. It cannot be taught! And it certainly cannot be taught in later 
life. Attachment is pretty well set in our childhood. It is not 
something we learn; it is something we feel. It is also something 
biochemical. Those who did not bond very early on with their parents may
 well be condemned to a lifetime of broken, fragile, tenuous 
relationships. It may be in large part due to deficits in the hormonal 
wherewithal such as oxytocin. Oxytocin researcher Thomas Insel has 
remarked that, "Many of the affectional ties to the mother observed 
post-natally (after birth) could be laid down by pre-natal experience." 
Life in the womb may determine life outside the womb for decades to 
come. If the early relationship with one’s parents was distant, 
alienated and glacial, it may be a harbinger of the love relationships 
we have or don't have later in life. The earlier the alienation from 
one's parents, the more trouble there may be in relationships later on. I
 have seen it in hundreds of my patients. It approaches a biologic law –
 if my sampling of our patients is any index.
In certain mountain 
rodents such as the mountain vole, a species that lives an isolated life
 (as differentiated from the prairie vole, which is more social), a shot
 of oxytocin proved to encourage bonding and pairing between voles. 
After repeated injections there was a long-acting anti-stress effect, 
which calmed overall behavior and gave rise to a strong tendency to 
bond. This again indicates that early love supports calmness and 
serenity. Those humans who are able to bond with others have high levels
 of oxytocin. Love seems to be the ultimate painkiller and a permanent 
one. It prepares us for the challenges of life and is the ultimate 
survival tool.
Need a good sex life? Be loved early on by your 
parents. That means, inter alia, right after birth and for the few 
months afterward. By that I mean plenty of hugging and kisses. Touch is 
ne plus ultra. Suffer from perversion? It may be because early in life, 
you were twisted by your parents in the quest for love. Parents whose 
personalities made implicit demands on the child to be someone 
else—non-coomplaining, passive, listening never speaking.
There is 
enough evidence to show that a newborn's heart rate, body temperature, 
and respiration rate are governed by the mother; when she is loving and 
nurturing towards the baby she carries, there is a positive affect on 
the baby and the set points of heart rate and blood pressure become 
normal. Any neglect she inflicts changes the biochemistry of the baby, 
perhaps permanently. Her anxiety and depression during pregnancy may 
very well alter the offspring's sex hormone levels. We know, for 
example, that anxiety in the mother can and does alter the sex hormone 
level of the fetus and can feminize infant males. So what we see is that
 once a male is feminized he is vulnerable, more vulnerable to a lack of
 love during infancy and childhood. He may become homosexual as a result
 of a cold, distant father, while the one who is not vulnerable will 
remain heterosexual. We need to understand that at certain levels of 
vulnerability, stress, trauma or pain can produce an overload and 
channel them into a symptom. In this sense, homosexuality could be 
considered a symptom, in the sense that there is a latent tendency, a 
feminizing, which only becomes overt homosexual behavior due to trauma; 
i.e., the lack of a father’s love. If the father’s love is there, it 
remains a latent tendency.
The female prairie vole, when treated soon
 after birth with steroid/stress hormones, showed an increase in 
masculine behavior, such as mounting. Most of us don't have to be 
injected with stress hormones; stress in the womb and just after birth 
accomplish the same thing, and may indeed masculinize females.
Although
 we may think that an injection is something special, the same chemical 
process takes place naturally. We can inject oxytocin, or we can massage
 the animal, and increase oxytocin levels that way. We can create stress
 for a pregnant woman, or inject her with steroids – the psychological 
effect is precisely the same as from a needle. A mother can be kind and 
loving and raise the serotonin levels in her offspring so that he can 
better handle adversity or a doctor can inject serotonin into the 
offspring and produce a temporary calming effect that is no different 
than that created by a loving look from the mother. A mother can 
"inject" oxytocin into her baby through her milk, which contains high 
levels of the hormone. Love, or what looks like it, can be injected. 
When "injected" naturally and at the proper time it will produce a 
loving human being.
Oxytocin means "quick birth." A synthetic 
oxytocin known as Pitocin, is given to mothers who need stimulation for 
contractions. I surmise that some mothers who need oxytocin to expedite 
the birth process may have had a history of pain that lowered their 
levels so as to make giving birth difficult. Statistics indicate those 
mothers who give birth by cesarean have lower levels of oxytocin. 
Additionally, when oxytocin is given to mothers to facilitate the birth 
process, it also enhances the love they feel for their child; they nurse
 better and are more relaxed with the baby. Conversely, a chronically 
anxious mother may leave her offspring with low oxytocin levels, which 
will contribute to the child having trouble later in life with bonding 
and forming attachments, as well as harboring a latent tendency to 
addiction. Thus, lack of early love translates into inadequate chemicals
 with which to bond, creating a vicious cycle of misery – unhappy 
relationships, poor sexual function, and failed marriages with 
suffering, abandoned children who bear the brunt of something that had 
its root causes in the infancy of the mother.
Loving feelings are 
transmitted to the fetus through the biochemistry and oxytocin levels of
 the pregnant woman, and then later through physical contact, which 
again raises oxytocin levels. If we were not loved early on, looked at, 
touched, listened to, nuzzled and adored, those biological changes, 
subtle though they may be, follow us throughout our lives. Yet a mother 
who takes good care of herself, is not depressed or anxious, does not 
take drugs, and eats properly, will produce a loving child.
If the 
traumas of birth, pre-birth and early childhood are inundating the 
system there will be an eventual overload and breakdown of the 
neuro-inhibiting, suppressing systems – serotonin, as well as oxytocin. 
There are many chemicals that live in the gaps between nerve cells, 
neurons; some push back and while others facilitate the message of pain.
 They are either information blockers or enhancers. Supplies of 
neuro-inhibitors will be used up over time in the fight to keep pain 
down. These supplies are not inexhaustible. It is the very earliest 
pains that have the highest valence and require the greatest amount of 
inhibition. These biochemicals will be used in the battle against 
emotional deprivation. The system will eventually be less sexual as the 
hormones of love become transmuted into the job of holding down pain.
A
 therapist can ask us, "Were you loved?," and we may insist, 
"Absolutely," yet we are betrayed by our oxytocin levels, which are far 
too low, and by our stress hormone levels, which are far too high, and 
also by our hormone levels which may be quite deviated. They speak too. 
The body and its physiology do not lie. Indeed, we may have been loved 
after birth, but suffered severe traumas in the womb of which we remain 
completely unaware. Our physiology will tell us the truth.