I never learned how to fix things because my mother was so afraid that if I got hurt she would have to take care of me. If I got near an electric plug she would scream out of her anxiety. I stayed away from all that and went to my head which worked OK because it was always driven by feelings near the surface. My life’s leitmotif was “Help me. Show me how. Save me.” It was acted out in not knowing how to fix anything. I was helpless and acted being helpless. My act-out was “help me, teach me talk to me. Explain explain explain.“ And when someone knew, I attached onto him. I found ways to have people talk to me because I never felt worthy of anyone talking to me. I became a shrink and people paid to talk to me. Wonderful. A terrific act out. People did confide in me because I could feel their pain, not in so many words but in my empathy. Animals too. A far cry for when my father let out my dog in the street and drove away. And I do mean, “A far cry.” How can anyone do that to a bewildered animal?
How could a rejected and neglected kid feel he had a right to be talked to and loved? How could that kid feel worthy………..of love or anything? He never did; always thought it was an accident. He was very grateful for any act of kindness and gave away his prize possessions to feel loved by others. I learned from my parents; how not to be, how not to do. I did the opposite; that was my education from two inhuman souls.