As for science, professionals think that science is advanced now with the new machinery we use. We can measure all the way down to a single nerve cell in the brain. What that does is inform us more and more about less and less. We learn the mechanisms in the brain and body but nowhere do we learn how to treat patients. We learn the accompaniment of neurons and neurochemistry to the problem but never the problems itself. And why not? Because that essentially attacks the personality and defenses of the doctor. “I am comfortable doing repression therapy because repression is how I function.” So in EMDR the doctor waves a wand and pushes away the feeling. It is literally magical therapy; and out of 40,000 practitioners in the world no one questions the premise. It is pure booga booga. The analysts are more subtle, they don’t use a wand; they reason feelings away; you feel this because of that, and if you stop thinking this you won’t suffer from that—blah blah. So change your thoughts and you will be better; it is still cognitive/behavior therapy, no matter how it is cloaked—thinking your way to health. And if the patient does by chance fall onto feelings in a session of therapy, the doctor quickly reasons them away. They need to be allowed to sink deeply into the feeling and let it overcome them. This means for the patient and above all, the doctor, losing control a bit and retreating to an unknown past; not as an adult thinking about the past, but as someone totally immersed in it. The past dominates our lives, how could we not become immersed in it in psychotherapy since we already are? We just move one step deeper and discover what we are already immersed in.
We are not inventing; we are discovering. The doctor doesn’t need to explain; our bodies (and the right-side deeper brain) will do it all. Our deep brain will rise to play the music and the prefrontal cortex will provide the lyrics. It is all there. We need someone to conduct the orchestra of feelings. The conductor, as it turns out is our imprints, our engraved traumas, that raise or drop our blood pressure and heart rate. Feelings provide the frame of reference, our raison d’etre. They conduct the symphony of the body. They move up like a volcano that gushes its energy upward and dictates our reactions. The system manages to let just enough through so it can be connected and integrated. That is why we do not need managers in the therapy. Evolution will do it all and channel feelings where they need to go. It is also why we do not need high level doctors to accomplish all this. Yet it helps to know science but only if that science is relevant to the human condition. We do not need to apply behaviorism to neurons, slowing them down or speeding them up until we know why they behave the way they do. So you see that Behaviorism rears is ugly head everywhere. And here we try to treat the neurons instead of the person, making the symptom “better” instead of the person. And with sharp enough techniques we can indeed make those neurons behave, leaving the person in his agony.So neurons behave as we want them to, while there is a raging cauldron of pain down deep inside. It is one more way we extract the person from his feelings. Look at biofeedback. We have an idea of what normal brainwaves look like, and if the patient doesn't have them we will perform voodoo until he does. Never once asking why are those waves so irregular? Ah, for that we need to go very deep.
Now imagine that a stranger (therapist) comes along and explains your unconscious feelings. He has to be wrong because he explains out of his own unconscious not that of the patient. No analysis is necessary; those emerging feelings carry with them all the understanding we need: how this feeling caused that behavior or that symptom. Having a birth Primal will explain why there are migraine headaches. One can feel in a primal session the brain being squeezed of all its energy and oxygen as the anesthetic given to the mother sweeps in to gobble all of the oxygen the baby needs. So there is constriction of blood vessels (to conserve oxygen) followed by vasodilation (to counteract the constriction and stop a stroke) and the forerunner of the migraine. Very few words are necessary. After all, the migraine is not there because of someone’s words; there was an ineffable experience at the base, one that no doubt had no words since it was usually at birth that it started. Yes, now hurtful words can trigger off the template or prototype because of resonance. The hurt descends down the chain of pain to the generating source, all by itself without anyone directing the operation. And it will come up without anyone directing it.
Think of this: we had a patient who felt toxic all of the time. She had “toxic friends” and decided to move to another State which was less toxic. We could offer all sorts of explanations but the system did it itself when she relived a gestation event where the mother was drinking heavily and intoxicating the baby. She felt toxic and projected it everywhere because she never knew where it came from, or even that memories go back that far. I could easily offer hundreds of examples like this (and I have in my book, Imprints).
Above all I don’t have to be smart anymore. I allow the patient to be smart by respecting her and her feelings. I don’t decide from above with all my majesty to change her behavior according to my criteria or values of "healthy or normal". She is not some underling or bad child who comes to me to be corrected or changed. She is my equal whose feelings need respect, who needs to be understood so she can help herself. The end of professionals who see patients weekly for years. _We must avoid giving the patient what she wants; too often warmth, concern and "love." That is what is addicting in psychotherapy. And they go back for years. We give patients what they really need, which is their pain from feeling unloved; a major difference. Then there is no addiction. Meeting their current need indulges patients and gives them what they want but don't need. They have already spent their lives behaving to get something the never existed. We offer independence and self-determination so that they can plan their own lives and don't need outside advice about how to live. We offer liberation from a terrible past so that they can make their own future. That is what is liberating. When a patient goes to a therapist for years she is addicted and that itself needs to be treated. That is, the patient and the doctor need help. They have a mutually operating addiction.
We cannot "love" the patient but we can help her feel unloved from early on so that she is now open to feeling and love at last.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI had the usual crash after dropping my daughter off at school on Monday morning. Problem was my live in landlord (a cognitive Scrouge if there ever was one) had not gone to dig his allotment as he usually does and so on my return from school I did not have the house to myself.
Could I get on with that crucial drawing work? No, could I really let go? No.
Were my repressed feelings pushing up in my chest to my throat? Yes.
Did all the crying I've done so far seem to be wasted as the old neurotic channels of release link up again? Not quite. . . I finally gave in, ate loads of sweets and drank some wine and watched documentaries on I player. Then I filled in my diary and read a bit more of Life Before. . . going to bed.
This morning the same problem. But my landlord went to his allotment. There I was, again, all 'blocked up' and trying to focus on drawing work. Could I? B*****s could I!
Reluctantly, I laid down with Ted. The rest is 'history' and now I feel fine. I havn't started work yet but I'm tidying up the mess my daughter and I made on my desk/work top left behind from the weekend. I've started to be able to focus on the details of the survey I did with the client (noradrenalined up a ladder last Friday just before the weekend contact arrangement); where's my notes & calculator?
This is not off topic. But I still need clinical help with my 1st line stuff ruminating around in my basement. That will keep on intruding 'out of context' till I get to the clinic.
I also twisted my agents' arm really hard till he squeaked and got my pay too. In the bank.
Paul G.
Paul: Keep me posted. art.
DeleteHowever, love it or hate it, DSM does point to one important propensity and that is to create a unifying theory of man – what Freud vainly set out to. DSM is arbitrary and fragmented but it is an attempt to assemble and centralise. Are we to say that this very propensity is wrong or misapplied to psychology? Art, you seem to be arguing that we need to view humans as primarily human without any categories applied, but also that the human system will self-regulate (or self-correct) if given the opportunity. But sometimes this may not be true, e.g. schizophrenia. So even within your own primal context there are some conditions that lend themselves to therapy (resulting from trauma and early imprint) and some that don’t and on this basis a new taxonomy emerges that leads us back in the same direction to where we are currently with the DSM. Can we avoid theoretical categories? No. But we can be honest about just how provisional they are and how limited our knowledge of the world is. Unfortunately, taxonomies lead to arrogance and a widespread belief in psychology’s ‘expertise’ which in my view does not exist. It is still a primitive science and some would argue not even that.
ReplyDeleteWill: Quite the opposite: it butchers all unity….separating unity into a thousand pieces. Art
DeleteHi folks:
ReplyDeleteI haven't been here for a while because I put reading about Primal aside for a while.I have since re-started reading, and all sorts of flashes are just leaping off the pages of the books. I'm finding Primal Man particularly interesting and convincing because of the articles written for professionnals, although I am no professional and no neurologist.
Yes, I know that just reading about Primal won't change anything. But I still find it a good way to pass the time constructively. There was one experience though ,while reading, that got something emotional going in me. While reading the chapter entitled "The basis of Anger and Fear" in The Primal Scream, I started experiencing images of myself getting furious at having to mow the lawn while a child. I HATED mowing the lawn!!It made no sense to me!! WHY? WHY? WHY? do this? Explain it to me, mommy! If there is no good reason, then I do not want to do it! At least , let me do it every 4 weeks rather than every 2 weeks!Let the lawn grow to make it worth cutting! Reply: No, DO IT NOW! And so on... I felt pulsations in my mid-back associated with the rage, as well as pulsations in my back deep neck muscles , the latter seeming to be related to a feeling of CRAZINESS along with the rage: you, mommy, and this whole middle class fucking civilisation with your goddamm lawns,are driving me CRAZY!! And I need to hold on to my head tight not to fly off into...what!? Can anyone relate to what I experienced? Yeah, also had fear of the dark and the men in the closet when young, as well as compulsive reading throughout my life (why did I have to KNOW everything?)
Marco
Hi Marco, Yes exactly that and the compulsive reading, must know.
DeleteAs a teenager once my Mum demanded I clean the windows 3 times over because each time they were not 'good enough'. . . my Dad intervened before the 4th attempt to achieve the impossible. . . the only occasion he did not side with her.
On another occasion when my mothers' insanity infiltrated my psyche my fist went right through the kitchen door. . . My mother has given me many occasions to experience the 'red mist'.
Something snaps. . .
A few other people have triggered me this way. . . absolutely shaking with rage and incredulity.
I've never got into a serious fight because every opportunity has reminded me of what might happen if I get the 'red mist'.
I reckon I got stuck and made it out after a struggle. Story of my life. Will get there in the end after a struggle.
Paul G.
Hi Paul: Thanks for your comments.It's really hard dealing with all this stuff. Another thing that's happenning to me is a lot of self-hatred; there are often these voices in my head that are pounding away at me compulsively and mercilessly. Worse now than before...yet I am a more open person. I wonder if it because it is part of the energy now arising from my unconscious to be somehow dealt with. I don't know... When I talk with my mother these days (something I have to force), I jam up in my throath and jaw, and space out, and I exude resentment and impatience.. and hopelessness.
DeleteI sure do envy those who do Primal, because I have a feeling what I am going through can be dealt with, at least partly.
Take care.
Marco
Hi Marco
DeleteHave you ever thought that your self hatred may be down to the most important people in your life hating you when you were a kid? If so many of us grow up with everyone around us almost insisting that we must love our Parents and that they love us how can we see that they never did. Also as a child how could we ever accept that hatred. It's easier to hate ourselves than think others may especially our Parents. It would have killed us. Also if those voices are pounding away at you have you ever thought they may be trying to tell you something so maybe it might be worth listening to them? What they might be telling you may sound strange but I bet there are clues in there from your childhood. I did'nt have voices but I had thoughts that came from my childhood and combined with my dreams and recognising the culture and what I watching on TV etc when little I think I worked out a lot.
Also why talk to your Mother if you don't want to? Are you not simply forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do. Do you think your Mother ever loved you or just forced you to mow the lawn?
Planespotter: You talk to your mother in therapy to get in touch with your need, long ago buried. it is getting yourself back. art
DeleteHi Art. I get the whole thing about talking to one's Mother in therapy but if Marco finds talking to his actual Mother face to face difficult then why do it?
DeleteHi Art ,did You treat anorexic patients who were at the brink of collapsing or yes dying 8sa they
ReplyDeleteoften do?...
Would it not be better ? f i r s t to change yes his behaviour i.e.to eat!! and to train (to avoid what "they " often fear too much fat.
My point is :are those "bodily-handicapped" better
candidates for P.T. after they see and feel their beauty (never to risk it again)?
Then they are able to plunge into their feelings of their former "uglines" tc..pp
yours emanuel
Emanuel: It seems to the opposite of what I have been writing all these years. It is behavior therapy and I have never seen it to work. The origins are deep which forces the behavior. You need to go to origins or you are just rearranging the furniture on the …... art
DeleteArt
ReplyDelete“We will never find a cure in the minute examination of the neurons; we may find a way to help; i.e., drugs and shock therapy. But in all this there is no talk of curing anything. Where does the illness come from? Why is it there? How did it start and why? These are the critical questions that should be asked. Ask a superficial question and you get a superficial answer. That is the dilemma those doctors are in; they don’t know how to ask the critical questions. And why don’t they? Because their theory and therapy doesn’t allow it! And why not? Because their personality and repression won’t allow them to adopt a feeling approach. Because to speak of cure you need to speak of generating sources. So they are Behaviorists out of conviction and that conviction emanates out o repression. How do you beat that?”
“Where does the illness come from? Why is it there? How did it start and why? These are the critical questions that should be asked.”
“; we may find a way to help; i.e., drugs and shock therapy” No Art… therapies are meant to help and not repress... so any therapy that accounts for stenosis is more of quackery than we can imagine. I think you are too kind and gentle in your criticism of other forms of therapy.
Art what you write here is enough for the required legal process. I know you do not want to but let me tell you the bay impact Primal Therapy would get through a legal process around the world? Someone (you... your staff) who knows the right thing against the rest of the world and with your contents... you cannot lose.
In Sweden... it has now been given the go ahead to another for the therapy than cognitive and primal therapy is within it. I It is not specifically mentioned... but the method of what is allowed... primal therapy is part of it.
Frank
Frank I will leave it to you to carry on any lawsuits. They are very expensive and need lots of energy and time. Art
DeleteAn email question: Dear Sir!
ReplyDeleteHere are two questions:
1. I have some contact with a person. She has been talking about wanting to came to your Istitute for therapy. BUT she has no money and is too afraid to fly, so I don´t think that will be a reality.
She is often talking about some people around her who she says are psychopaths and sadists. She has been looking in some of Dr. Janovs books - I don´t know which ones - and not found anything written about psychopaths and sadists. Now she wanted me to ask Dr. Janov: "Are they not curable?"
2. I myself also have a question: Are there any articles in Dr. Janov´s blogg that bring light to the question on "why people hate rather than understand"?
Here in Borås the local press is right now taking up the question of "hate-crimes".
Today I red an article in the local paper with the head-line: "It is easier to hate than to understand". That is the opinion of a young person who has been offer for some actions against her car etc, because of her engagement for homo-people, and the police called it a "hate-crime" against her.
The journalist rases the questions:
"Why all this hate?
And where does it come from?
No-one knows for sure, but there are many theories...."
I have confidence in Dr. Janov´s thinking, and would like to hear his voice on this."
And my answer: I wrote about psychopaths on my blog some months ago (http://cigognenews.blogspot.fr/2010/12/on-being-psychopath.html) and also a longer piece coming out in my new book, "Search for our Humanity". Not out for a while. Art. I believe that they are not treatable for reasons I discuss in the blog and in my book.
DeleteArt that blog is a fascinating one. I went to see "We need to talk about Kevin" and that seemed to suggest a complete lack of empathy or touch was partly to blame and I am sure early trauma is also to blame. I also wondered about violence to the child. It is only hinted at in the film. The Mother breaks Kevin's arm when he is very small. Also he spends a great deal of time playing violent computer games with his Father who also buys the Bow and Arrows he uses in the school massacre.
DeleteThe following link describes one woman who was jailed following this video of her beating her baby. I can only imagine what this did to the child. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2142881/Horrifying-footage-Malaysian-mother-beating-defenceless-month-old-baby-girl-goes-viral.html.
I am sure such abuse is pretty common. One woman I knew admitted to me that she threw her baby girl across the room and looked to me for some kind of forgiving look. She obviously felt very guilty and perhaps could not see why her grown daughter had arms covered with cutting scars. She did'nt know I knew she screamed at her kids and husband on a regular basis. I have suspicions that I was shaken badly when very tiny.
After all the most famous Physcopath in the 20th Century Adolf Hitler was nearly killed by his Father at 13. I am sure he had a difficult birth.
Maybe the very early trauma is the deciding factor and then the later violence compounds this. Those of us who had a bad birth and say were abused after that are partially damaged while those hurt very early in the womb are crazy monsters. The earlier the trauma the wider the Janovian Gap until it becomes a canyon!. I get it! By God I think I get it!
Art: How the hell do you write all these books!? You're a machine!!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Art I never spoke of going to a therapist !
ReplyDeleteI once saw the pictures of an American woman
after she entered a well meaning owner of
boddy gym (my theme as You may remember...)
It was a difference between hell and heaven!!!
I am sure my success in building "my dream body"
would and does indeed help me to open up to those
inexorable pains deriving from that "asparagus Tarzan" body
of my "youth" !!!
I would never stop with that alone (better body) but without
I would be soon be overwhelmed .
Yours emanuel
Bonjour,
ReplyDeleteDo you remember, a few weeks ago, when I suggested to let anybody play with their inner capacity to feel? Since then, I kept thinking about it and also about your answers. Here I go again... From a slightly different perspective.
I'm convinced that Primal Therapy is a too narrow frame for Primal Theory. Let me explain why I'm so sure.
If she's still alive, I would like to borrow the amoeba you immersed in India ink at the beginning of your book "Why you get sick - How you get well". As soon as she was put again in clean water, she spontaneously evacuated the ink and resumed her normal life of amoeba. (In French, an amoeba is feminine. Isn't it cute?) This makes me optimistic because a very long time ago, I also was an amoeba. So, it means that if I'm ever immersed in a clean environment, I'll get my original health back, as a plain member of life. That's what you do to your patients initially, right?
What makes a good primal therapist? I suppose the hardest part is to "get into others", to arouse feelings in the patient. Is there any therapist who could compare to Tchaikovsky, Pink Floyd or Prince? Just to name a few... Another precious skill, I'm still guessing, is to know when to stop the patient from going too far or going off track. As Primal Therapy is a real science, measurable and predictable, this monitoring could be achieved by a computer as well. (I'm not afraid of machines who think they're human, I've never seen any. However, I'm scared of humans who think they're machines, I've seen too many.) Do I suggest to replace a very good primal therapist by a smartphone with a bluetooth EEG? No, but I suggest to stop comparing Primal Therapy to other therapies and, above all, I suggest to stop struggling between many definitions of therapy. Your discovery and its applications are much bigger than just a therapy.
What if Primal Therapy was not a therapy anymore? It wouldn't alter its effectiveness, would it? Nowadays, a therapist is supposed to know things that the patient ignores. No matter the angle you look at it, this statement makes the primal universe conflicting with any form of therapy. Primal Therapy is too different to fit the zeitgeist. Besides, I'm sure nobody here wants to see it get into that mold.
Still, there are many great things to do with Primal Theory alone! And many people do understand it. Let's not forget there is and will always be a large part of the population who's not neurotic. I'm talking about children and babies. They know how to primal and they do primal if they're given the opportunity, but nobody calls it primal or therapy, nor do pay for it. What if the Primal Center was also training midwives, nursery nurses and kindergarten teachers? Were it only by means of short paid internships. I'm sure many people would be willing to learn some preventive rules, giving Primal Theory a broader range and, therefore, clearing the water for the amoeba's kids/sisters. In the sole practice of therapy, it seems you're not really free. And correct me if I'm wrong but it also seems it makes you sad.
Last year, when I spontaneously opened to my feelings, I was glad to remember your books. Otherwise, I'd still be applying the old recipe of my ancestors: repression. And running faster to death... I already trusted Primal Theory. I had no need for academic or scientific evidence to convince me to invest in a particular therapy. I just needed some clean water to cry India ink that is poisoning me. Clearly, I needed to feel authorized, instead of customerized.
Laurent: There is a germ of important stuff there but it needs embellishing and ramifying. and I am not sure I understand what those implications are. By the way, if you take Prince out of the equation I would agree with the rest. I would love to have you bloggers help me with this letter. art
DeleteJust a try...I'm starting with the easiest part of the stuff : writing / playing music that brings relief/ help others feelings doesn't qualified you as a therapist (since often playing/writing music is an act out for unfelt grieves/feelings in general terms).How you feel when you listen to someone else's music depends on what it triggers inside you (it could be quiet different from one to another). There is a lot (in my opinion) of left brain dominant even among musicians. The balance between right and left seems scarce: in classical music JS Bach succeeded at writing very technical pieces with something more(deep joy, powerfull feelings about getting out and so on: at least it's what I feel when listening to some of his work). That's what makes the genious. You could cry when listening to someone else's music without knowing what you are crying about (it's just abreaction no?)feelings without connections.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I understand about Laurent's post it sounds much like being aware and open minded about feelings (your own and other's) and trying to deal with it with your intellect. That's what is so attracting in your blog Dr Janov and in your books: writing about feelings, reading about them instead of feeling them deeply.
We sometimes have friends we can talk to about how we feel or felt about something even cry a bit sometimes. They/we will be there because we are/ they are friends but they/we are not therapists in anyway.
There is this stuff about miror neurones that make us emphatize with others (feeling what they feel). The problem is still the same: we are open to what we are ready to feel or have already felt.
Hi, ever ready to leap in where angels fear to tread. . .
ReplyDeleteLaurent seems to be suggesting that some existing 'professionals' could benefit from a short hand version of the full training.
Also he seems to be saying that the Theory is much bigger than the practice of Primal. I cautiously agree with both ideas and see that they are part of the same perception.
All teachings of important things tend to be guarded 'jealously' by their founders who will try to keep the ideas 'pure'. There is no escaping the reality of this and the need for it, it is a real need. But there is no escaping the inevitable dilution of a teaching as it becomes more 'popular'. The issue is with what solvent to dilute it with and where and when and with whom to start this process.
Evolution is what makes Primal Theory bigger that Primal Therapy and it is the In-volving aspect of this that is required to determine what solvents can legitimately be used to dilute the potency of Primal into new directions. This is an Involving process.
Extol / Systole.
Paul G.
Hi, ever ready to leap in where angels fear to tread. . .
ReplyDeleteLaurent seems to be suggesting that some existing 'professionals' could benefit from a short hand version of the full training.
Also he seems to be saying that the Theory is much bigger than the practice of Primal. I cautiously agree with both ideas and see that they are part of the same perception.
All teachings of important things tend to be guarded 'jealously' by their founders who will try to keep the ideas 'pure'. There is no escaping the reality of this and the need for it, it is a real need. But there is no escaping the inevitable dilution of a teaching as it becomes more 'popular'. The issue is with what solvent to dilute it with and where and when and with whom to start this process.
Evolution is what makes Primal Theory bigger that Primal Therapy and it is the In-volving aspect of this that is required to determine what solvents can legitimately be used to dilute the potency of Primal into new directions. This is an Involving process.
Extol / Systole.
Paul G.
Laurent !
ReplyDeleteI fear there would soon be thousands of in this case well-meaning
mock primal therapists but nontheless they would not handle...the
really serious cases lege artis... and You may seethe "results"
in funny farm( an euphemism for the torture therein endured..)
It is really an aporectic situation (as the philosophers namme it)
I really wish You proposal would work ...but. Yours emanuel
And then I believe Primal therapy must be seen as a "kick start" to react differently : starting feeling instead of repressing. You can do this by your self up to a certain point depending of your own history but you/we need help to get deeper. Out of a Primal context you could get in touch with deep feelings out of context that will drive you mad (litterally) and the usual practices in psychiatry is to help you reppress with medication without understanding what's going on.
ReplyDeleteAnd babies and children are often already neurotics (read Life before birth)The process of repression starts very early on. Babies and children are turning into what they are made by their parents too: they are not part of some "Primal Humanity" : did they have a good birth? was the mother depressed during pregnancy or taking drugs? and so on.
There is no "lost paradise" too in Human history: I mean a golden age of Primal humanity as some people seemed to believe. So many tribes calling themselves Men or Humans meaning that the others living twenty miles from them are not and that it is enough to kill them or eat them sometimes (that happened throughout the world, Europe, Africa,Asia, south and North americas, Australia etc.
Héhé! OK, I'll hide behind earplugs to listen to Purple Rain... Seriously, I should have been more clear. I wanted to talk about music and the resonance it arouses in us, not pop stars / symbols and their antics.
ReplyDeleteA germ. This is the rightest word (as usual). I'll keep working on it. With your help, it would be great!
Here's another piece for the file. When you discovered the Primal Process, I guess you called it Therapy because you already were a therapist. What if you were a locksmith? As you had to "unlearn" most of the things your head was filled with since university, I wonder why you didn't give up also the therapy thing? I mean, your job and practice have changed radically since then. Obviously, you couldn't be the therapist you were in the fifties anymore. So, why insist on this path?
I remember when I was 7 years old, I wondered why there weren't any lesson about feelings at school. I asked my parents but, of course, they didn't understand what I was talking about. About two years later, I wondered why there weren't any lesson about making the others do what I want... I didn't ask my parents this time. I just learned from them. How different could have been my life, if only...
I'm not dreaming of Primal Therapy for the masses as it may transpire from my drafts. I'm just looking for feelings. For example, my relationships have changed. As I'm no longer a prisoner of myself, I can watch and listen, well... I can feel the people I meet. They notice it, I don't know how. But they WANT to feel. I can't miss it. They surely wanted it before we met, but as I can no longer find any satisfaction in chit chat, I ask real questions, I AM really interested in them, instead of SHOWING interest. This makes a huge difference! So, feelings are everywhere, behind every doors. Where are the locksmiths?