Smart People Do Dumb Things

In the news today is the story of a very smart congressman who did something stupid; sending pictures of his body and his private parts to many women(LA Times article). For a public figure to take such a chance, knowing that he risks having millions see his photos (and they did) is stupid; or is it?

So what makes someone take such risks? His marriage and career in the balance. And why doesn’t his smartness kick in and stop him? I mean he loves his wife very much; why ruin the marriage?

Because no one is smarter or stronger than his need.

Need overwhelms any thought almost every time. Why should that be? Because need and its fulfillment always deal with survival, and always derive from very early in our lives when fulfillment was crucial. It is that which mounts and suffuses our critical capacity; no different from hypnosis where someone can suggest we lose that critical capacity and we do. We become Sinatra because we are told to. Or become Nazis because the pressure is there to become them. We lose our critical capacity. The congressman’s need shattered his critical mind.

What was that need? I surely do not know. But I have treated “weeny wavers” (excuse the expression) for years and have seen the motives behind what they do. I often have them do it(exhibit) where it is safe in group; and where afterward they fall into the feeling: “look at me! Pay attention to me. I am important. Please care about me. See me. Want me.” And so on. The penis gets the attention, which is what the person wants. And is often the only way he finds to get that attention. Those are not the only motives but we can be sure that deep unfulfilled need is behind it all. If not, the critical capacity would kick in and stop the act-out. And it is an act-out; acting out a need and feeling that was left over from early in life.

I have written how the right brain feeling areas work in see-saw ways with the upper level frontal cortex, so that when a need/feeling is too much the thinking brain steps in and blocks it. And vice versa, when the thinking brain is weakened, either with drugs or alcohol, or when the person just falls asleep, the feelings see their opening and march upward and forward and usurp thought. But deep need is always stronger than the higher levels. It was this way in evolution where survival was paramount; where feelings guided us to safety.

If the need is not a leftover, chances are, it will not be so strong as to shatter rationality. So here is a very rational and brilliant man, and yet he acts dumb. Because his need drives him toward “symbolic” fulfillment wherever that leads him. It guides him, not his rational mind which has taken a vacation for a while.

Let me say that need/feelings are always smart and they drive symbolic behavior to remind us of leftover lack of fulfillment. It keeps the gap alive. Paradoxically, they make us act dumb because we are acting out in the present needs from long ago. They are inappropriate now, but were appropriate back then. Always think “back then.” But those needs never disappear. They remain and make us act out in accordance with what they are and were. One man acted out with his penis, “be happy to see me,” something his mother never was. And the women he flashed were NEVER happy to see him but that never stopped him from trying. He needed a caring mother who was so depressed that she never even looked at him. She stared at the floor all of the time. The need is expressed differently depending on the circumstances of the deprivation. And who did it. If our congressman could have laid down and felt his need/feeling he would not have acted out.