Articles on Primal Therapy, psychogenesis, causes of psychological traumas, brain development, psychotherapies, neuropsychology, neuropsychotherapy. Discussions about causes of anxiety, depression, psychosis, consequences of the birth trauma and life before birth.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Learning to Forgive
There is a study from the Mayo clinic that seems to conclude that forgiveness is good for you. They say that holding a grudge can adversely affect your heart and your nervous system. This ought to give great comfort to the religious among us because the bible states the same thing.
And, not so oddly, many psychotherapeutic systems believe in forgiveness, as well. The research shows that if you hold a grudge it raises yourblood pressure and heart rate. When subjects imagined forgiving the person they felt more relaxed. But of course the first step for them is to acknowledge the pain. Step number 2, is to find a new way to think about it. Finally, begin to experience emotional relief. It all sounds pretty straightforward. Except! This is no different from cognitive therapy, which also asks patients to think in new ways about the hurt. What it is actually doing is rerouting the hurt from the right frontal area to the left prefrontal; and guess what? The left, when busy concocting ideas and rationales, actually suppresses the structures in the limbic/feeling area so that the person feels more comfortable. But it never really touches the pain. And, as many animal experiments show, when you tranquilize with a pill or shot the animal seems relaxed. But when you measure the deep physiology there is a raging inferno going on. There is no magic to all this. If we don’t address history there can never be a real cure.
Well, taking another look at things is not a bad idea. Giving thought to anything is bound to have a beneficial effect. Acting without thinking is far more dangerous. It does seem to follow that sometimes it is better to let something go than to hold on to it and let it eat us up inside. but I also think typical Christian rhetoric is a bit lacking in solid thought.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness, to me, makes most sense when the person needing forgiveness is truly sorry. If not, then you don’t have to hold on to it, but you might want to move on away from that person, too. As well, I note some churches who are good at forgiving real SOBs like rapists but then hold a teen in serious repute for something much less. There is lots that could be said but It always pays to be able to reflect and give thought. I believe this is how I came to accept Primal Theory (PT) also Primal Therapy (PT).
I appreciate a nod to religions. Even philosophy at times. Good ideas can be found in many different places. They are all things that can be misused or abused and usually are but they are sort of neutral by themselves. I like to search for what I might have in common with others rather than alienate, if possible, finding Common ground. I have been reading more of chapter 8 in “Primal Healing.” It is far more interesting than some of the earlier chapters. I have to take time to digest it.
But it pointed out a lot of good stuff. I am liking it. It showed a lot of interesting things about my father, confirming many long held ideas. You sort of get into things about self-delusion, ego defense, self-deception, megalomania and related stuff. Really, mainstream psychology has been terrible at addressing many of those issues. It might implicate too many politicians and businessmen.
My parting thought is that while using one’s head will not address the underlying pain, it can help us to avoid doing really stupid things. It would be great if PT was more available but there is still something to accomplish in giving anything some forethought.
Art,
ReplyDeleteI think the difference can be described as the difference between relaxation and sedation. True relaxation doesn't come with the knocked-out look in the eyes.
For us neurotics, true relaxation is an event sorrowfully too rare.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteConversely being ready to accept the anger and frustration of those whom we have hurt and betrayed, then to sincerely apologise for the harm caused if they are ready to confront us with it, is tremendously freeing.
This can lead to the original source of our transgressions and even the transgressions of others on us.
It is a hard road to travel. So many dilemmas, some seemingly irreconcilable, often lined with vultures who may once have professed friendship, be careful who you seek reconciliation with, I would say, ones' own children are the first to start with.
In the end we are on our own (in a cold and dispassionate universe).
Paul G.