Birth and Sex: How They Are Related

The idea that what determines our sexual behavior occurs during our silent struggle to be born, which may last but a few minutes, may seem outlandish. Perhaps saying that most common "sex problems" are an outgrowth of the birth trauma understates the complexity of the issue. Yet birth trauma is often a significant factor in many difficulties in sex, and later childhood trauma may then complicate things further.

Why is the birth process itself so critical in determining our sexual health? Because it is a life-and-death struggle that happens when we are at our most vulnerable and possess only primitive brain structures, the very same brain structures that are involved in our sexual development. This is a primal event, and sets the stage for how we will react later on to any perceived threat. It is called one-trial learning, and lasts a lifetime. It establishes an imprint that gives shape to adult sexual behavior.

The body speaks a language that is not expressed in words. We all speak that language, but few of us understand it. We can capture that language through machines that measure blood pressure, heart rate, and body temperature, for example, as well as register the bio-chemicals that process our feelings. This language of the body speaks eloquently, and it is far more credible than anything we might ever say. Machines don’t lie: they measure physiologically our earliest imprinted memories, memories that are a product of early traumas we experienced while in the womb, or at birth. These primal memories get buried deep into our subconscious mind, and are characterized by an absence of words and images. The most advanced part of our brain, the cerebral cortex, will bury the memory of anything that is too painful to bear. The body needs something to avoid the feeling of pain, and the brain’s neocortex is well suited to that job.

The body also speaks in its own astute fashion through behavioral patterns, such as premature ejaculation or low libido. It tells of our history and our buried feelings. No matter how much we may deny our history, the body expresses the truth. Our biology is never arbitrary. It doesn’t create a symptom out of the blue. There are always reasons behind our problems; we need only to know how to find them. Migraines inform us, perhaps, of a lack of oxygen at birth. Colitis may tell us of memories imprinted before birth, pointing to events that happened while in the womb. Depression and the inability to be aroused sexually might indicate an overload of anesthetics at birth.

We must learn this language and communicate with the body in ways it understands. It is possible to do this. But if we remain on the level of words, explanations, instructions and insights, we shall never comprehend sex problems or how to solve them.